It’s one of those relational dynamics that became apparent in Lila, by Marilynne Robinson. Because Lila, at least initially, didn’t trust John Ames, or believe in who he was and that he cared for her, she kept hurting and frightening him. Added to that, her assumption that what she said or did didn’t matter to, or affect, others meant that she often hurt those others. The same was true in Coal Creek by Alex Miller: because Daniel, the sheriff, didn’t trust the stockmen, he literally shot at them and caused a whole world of damage. Of course they couldn’t trust him either, because they didn’t know what sort of ill-judged move he was going to make next, and because he was in the position of authority it was him who was believed, and it was always going to go badly for the stockmen.
And so, unless this person is willing to communicate to me that they will have a conversation, then I need to stay well away. And I think I can rest knowing that I did everything that was humanely possible towards a restoration. As Lane and Tripp write “at some point, every relationship brings you to the end of yourself, and with God there is no healthier place to be”. I might actually be there.