Thursday, August 15, 2013

An inciting incident

Yesterday I had an inciting incident in the plot of my life. I have actually been praying recently about the desire to make a change or two to my life, because I don’t want it to just continue as it is indefinitely, which is what happens unless you make a change, or change is precipitated upon you. So, I guess I got change, though it is not quite what I had in mind.

My flatmate came home and told me she is moving out. This is not entirely unexpected, given her own inciting incident. But it has catapulted me into turmoil all the same.

For starters, I doubt I will find anyone I know who wants to move into the apartment I am in. My church is on the other side of the Harbour, so this is not a likely spot for anyone from there to want to live. And I don’t want to live with any random person, and have home be a place where I simply keep my stuff in a space shared with a stranger. Home is too important to me for that. And I don’t even know if I want to find someone else to move in here, because, like I said, I want to make a change that is bigger than continuing on as I am with another flatmate.

I have also have too much stuff, and am too old, to just move into someone else’s spare room. And I don’t really want to do that either. I’ve had well over 30 flatmates now, and I’d like to put an end to the moving at the mercy of other people’s decisions and the temporary flatting.

So my preference at this point in time would be to live on my own. But that is very expensive anywhere close to the city, so I’d have to move a long way out to do it, which would probably precipitate other changes.

And I had also just made the decision to look for another job, not necessarily here in Sydney, so I don’t want to lock myself into a new lease either.

Thus my dilemma.

I didn’t get much sleep last night because I lay awake thinking about what I might do. Consequently I had a moment of feeling sorry for myself at my desk today and wishing I had a more permanent kind of flat mate, who wouldn’t just make their own decisions to move out. But I know there are no guarantees of that ever being the case, and that the only person you can totally rely on to always be there in this life is God, and he has promised he will never leave or forsake us. So, I shall hold onto that and trust that something will work out.

Still, I do need to make a few decisions, quickly.

I am tempted to just put my stuff in storage, resign from my job, and go away somewhere to think about it, so I don’t have to make a hasty decision and end up in a job I don’t really want or a living situation I don’t really want. But I doubt that is the wisest move, and a person needs to work. So I now need to go on some kind of frenzy of looking through my options. (I also need to do my tax and get my car registered.)

If I go quiet for a time, I shall be back when I am in whatever the phase is after an inciting incident (and when I have been through all the stuff I have accumulated, which I shudder at the thought of packing up and shifting). Stories aren't especially interesting without these moments, in whatever form they come (which is not always circumstantial), so I am a teeny bit excited about what may happen.


Meredith said...

Wow. This is big news. To pack up, go away and think it over would be great, wouldn't it. Well, I shall pray for you as you work your way through all of this - and for sleep along the way. It is good to know that given God answered the first prayer, He has what happens next in hand too.
Thanks for sharing so that we can pray for you.

Ali said...

Thanks Meredith. Yes, it has called to mind the old "be careful what you pray for" ... :) But I was perhaps in need of a little shove. Thanks so much again for your prayers.

Jessica said...

Ditto the thanks for sharing thing.