Last night I was strolling up King St, Newtown, on my way to the Centre for Christian Living lecture on Christians and Politics, when I was unexpectedly stopped by two men in drag, who wanted to ask me ‘if you were a lesbian, which of us would you think was hotter?’. I was faced with an interesting and difficult dilemma on so many levels, some of which were:
a) My inbred social etiquette would tell me that at the least it is impolite to discuss who is better looking of two people, in front of said two people
b) I am not attracted to women
c) The two people who halted me, despite their efforts, were clearly not women either
I actually think they were two blokes larking around, who were waiting for a bus and obviously off to a party somewhere, rather than real drag people (what am I supposed to call those people? – I am at a loss). Strange to say, but I have lived in these parts long enough to tell the difference between real drag people and dress-up drag people. The real drags are usually impressively made-up, styled and groomed. These guys wigs’ were sloppily stuck on their heads, and, well, we just won’t discuss their dodgy outfits.
At first I sort of joked around and voiced dilemma a) and said something like ‘you can’t ask me that in front of you both’, but one of them kept insisting, ‘no which do you prefer, the blonde or the brunette?’, so then, born out of desperation I gave an answer that probably messed up in relation to b) and c) and said to the blonde, ‘well, you are taller than me, so probably you’. The tall blonde cheered and the shorter brunette pummeled him. See as a woman, and faced with a superficial choice based purely on physicality, between two men, I can't help that the first and most obvious thing is that I am more attracted to men who are my size or bigger than men who are smaller, so that is what I said. Only this wasn't the scenario I was supposed to be evaluating, and I probably should have picked the shorter brunette, because the taller blonde was doing all the talking and clearly had more confidence.
I walked off to shouts of 'thank you' from the blonde, feeling momentarily crazed from the suspension of reality that had been required of me.